'Neath the merciless sun,
across the trackless desert,
march the men of the Foreign Legion.
Unwanted men. The forsaken of a hundred nations.
They came to the Legion to forget.
Our story is about two men whom the Foreign Legion would like to forget.
And they were unwanted... even in Brooklyn.
But let us start at the beginning...
and the cause of it all:
these two wrestlers.
Hold it. Hold it.! Hold everything. Keep that crowd quiet.!
Quiet. Quiet, quiet!
That'll keep you quiet.
Mr. Jones, this guy ain't followin' the script.
He was supposed to stand still and let me butt him.
Now listen, you. When the script says you get butted, you get butted.
What a rehearsal.! No emotion. No fire. No nothing.!
The best script I ever wrote, and you guys smell it up.
Tell him. He's the one that can't read. I don't have to read.
I'm the wrestling champion in all North Africa.
Don't you guys realize...
that nobody's gonna pay good money just to see wrestling.
You've gotta dramatize it. You've gotta suffer.
You've gotta... There you are.
Get that expression of suffering. That's agony.!
Hold that expression, Lou. I want the boys to study it. Hold it. Okay, Lou.
That's enough. Don't ham it up. Come on.
Come on, get out. There. Come on, come on.
Come on. Come on, come on!
I want you to show these guys how to do their parts.
Uh, first of all, you'll stand in for Abdullah.
Come on. Now we'll start from the top of page five.
Uh, wait a minute. Here we are.
Uh, now. "Bert charges in with a dropkick.
"Abdullah goes down. But is he hurt? No.
He looks up at Bert and sneers with contempt. "
Now wait a minute! Now watch carefully. Go ahead.
No, no, no, no, no, Lou, come on.
Don't take so long to fall down!
I want Abdullah to get the proper timing.
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm awfully sorry it took me so long to fall down.
All right, all right. Now, you're Bert. You're Bert.
Abdullah, retaliate!
Lou, will you fall faster?
You're slowing up the whole action of this script.
And I'm not a bit happy about that fall. That makes two of us.
Do you want me to do it again, Mr. Jones? No, certainly not.
I don't want you to get hurt. Uh, look, take the next move.
And really pour it on this time. Go ahead.
No. No, no, no! Abdullah!
Can't you bounce him a little harder? We're not getting the right sound effect.
That's it. Now you've got it.
Get the idea, Bert? Huh? You're taking a terrific beating.
Abdullah's murdering ya, but... you can take it.
Thanks. I always do my best.
I'm not wearing you out, am I? No.
Uh, all right, Abdullah, that's enough. I don't want you to tire yourself out.
Bert, take over.
That was fine, Bert.
Are you tired? Are you tired? No. No.
Whose turn is it? Mine. Mine.
All right, we'll toss for it. Heads.
It's tails. I win. We'll do the Boston routine.
The Boston routine? The Boston routine. Yeah.
The Boston routine. Uhh!
Why... Ahhh, now wait a minute!
Let's do the whirlwind finale. That's the one.
Hey, Bud, get me off this merry-go-round!
That's fine. That's it!
That's just what I'm looking for. What a touch. It's beautiful.
You! You, the victorious hero.
And you, beaten into surrender...
crawling away like a whipped dog.
Abdullah's no whipped dog.
I'm a great champion. I never lose.
But Abdullah, you won last week in Boston. Tomorrow night it's Bert's turn.
You know, after all, he's a big favorite in this town.
Abdullah's the greatest wrestler in the world. I never lose.
I'll quit first and return to my tribe. Now wait a minute.
Let's take it easy, brother. You know you've got a signed contract with us.
And remember I borrowed five grand from the syndicate to bring you here from Algiers.
I don't care. Abdullah says good-bye.
But what about the five grand? Say good-bye to that too. I'm taking the first boat home.
Hey, stupid. Come on, stupid.
Abdullah walked out on us. We've gotta get him back.
We'll be in plenty of trouble if that guy blows town. What guy blows town?
What did you say? What guy blows town?
How can you talk with your mouth shut? Well?
Abdullah blew. Oh.
Well, what have you got to say, Jonesy?
Well, uh, if you're talking about the five grand, boss,
don't worry about that. I'll get it back to you.
Five grand's small change.
The setup we got for Abdullah is worth 100 grand.
You wouldn't want us to lose that kind of dough,
would you, Jonesy? Oh, I...
I...
Uh, uh, don't, don't give it a second thought, Frankie.
We'll get Abdullah back if we have to chase him around the four corners of the globe.
Don't worry about a thing.
Come on, Lou.
Come on.
Excuse me, Bud, do you mind if I ask you a question? Go ahead.
Just what are we doing here? We're looking for Abdullah.
We are? Sure. He bought a ticket for Algiers.
Uh, neighbor, do you know Abdullah the wrestler?
The wrestler, Abdullah? The...
Lou, show him a picture. Here.
This is the way he looks undressed. That's it.
And here's the way he looks dressed.
He wears the headdress of the Al-Minya tribe.
Oh, so you know him? Oh, no, no, no. I-I know nothing.
I want no trouble. Now go away. Go away, go away!
Oh, he is ugly!
Oh, I wish we could find someone around here to give us a sensible answer.
So do I. Ye...
She's beautiful. Hey, Bud!
I'll get some sense out of this here one. I'll ask her.
I... Ay-yai-yai-yai-yai.
Bud, come here. Come here. What's the matter?
You talk to this lady. Maybe she can answer... Okay. Oh, sure!
I... This is mine! This is the one I...
Uh, you... Yeah... Oh!
Uh, do you happen to know Abdullah the wrestler?
"Wrest-lur?" Wrestler.
These wrestlers are very strong, and they-they-they try to get a, a hold on you.
And they put their, um... They-They... Sometimes they, they-they...
They sort of pick it up and-and... on the head. Do you get it?
And sometimes... And then, then again they give you a headlock like...
They, they... They, they...
Y-You don't know how to wrestle?
Can I show you? You-You see, I'm your opponent.
And then, then you take one arm and put it around your opponent.
And you take the other arm and put it around your opponent.
And then sometimes your opponent wants to give you a bear hug, and he...
He... He...
He... Mmm.
Lou.! Hmm?
What's the idea? I wasn't kissing anybody.
What is this? What is what? Oh, how did that...
What are you trying to do, get us killed? Oh, no.
In this country men don't get familiar with women. Well, don't they kiss 'em?
No! No, they don't. And don't they go out with 'em? Don't they...
No, no, no. No! They don't?
Boy, is that woman in the wrong country. I...
Oh, will you st... There's a hotel. Let's check in.
Okay.
Will you get out of my way? Now you stay outside and watch for Abdullah.
Abdullah? I'll do it. Abdullah!
Now you sit down there and keep your eyes open. Oh, yeah.
Uh, just a minute. Here's a tip for carrying the bags.
Put that down. Put it back! "Put that down. "
"Put that down. "
Eeeeh!
What is it? I must seeJosef at once.
His Excellency Sheik Hamud and Sergeant Axmann are with Josef.
I have important information.
Josef? Not now. Out!
Why didn't you warn me, Axmann, that the Legionnaires would be guarding the construction camp?
Last night's attack cost me 12 men. It was worth it, Sheik Hamud.
This morning at the commandant's office, the railroad company engineers were raging.
On this very map they showed him...
that unless he can clear the desert of your raiders,
they won't be able to lay the tracks...
from Beni Abbess to Ouargla.
The company will be forced to build the railroad the long way around...
at a cost of one million pounds. What did the commandant say?
He promised them more troops. A full company will proceed tonight...
from Fort Lallemand, here, to Beni Abbes, here.
Cut them off and destroy them at El Golea.
The construction camps will be at our mercy.
Well, always more attacks. What about money?
If you can stop work on the railroad for another 30 days,
the company will have to pay us whatever we demand.
He insists his information cannot wait.
There are two Americans in town looking for your cousin Abdullah.
What do they want with my cousin? I-I don't know, Your Excellency.
They may be spies for the railroad company.
Sheik Hamud, I suggest that you leave Algiers immediately.
As soon as I finish my business at the slave auction.
These Americans... can spoil everything.
They will be taken care of, Excellency, by Ibrim.
He never fails.
I don't want anything to happen to them in the streets.
Ibrim is wise.
He will drag them into an alley, and, uh...
Point out the Americans to Ibrim. Yes, sir.
There's one of them.
Go with these and find the other.
Wait a minute, fellows.
I don't know what this is all about. Is it because I kissed that girl?
Huh? I hope not. I've never been in such trouble before in my life.
And... Excuse me, please.
I'll pick it up. I'll pick it up. What a nightmare!
Whew!
Oooh!
What are you doing in here? Ohhh!
There are some men outside chasing me.
But if you are found in here with the girls, you will be killed.
If I'm found outside with the men, they'll kill me too. Men?
Yeah. Oh.
There are no men out there. Are you sure?
See. Go look for yourself. I think I will.
No, here. That way.
Hey, maybe they're gone.
Ohhh! Hey!
They're out there. They're out there.
Those are the men from the Al-Minya tribe. Is that bad?
If they find you, they will kill you. That's bad.
You cannot go in there!
If the guards find you with the slave girls, they will kill you.
At least in there I'll die happy.
Open the door.! Open the door or we'll break it down.!
Hey, fellows, stand back and take a run and break the door down.!
Thank you.
Uh-uh, no, you don't. Get up on your feet.
"Get up. " Get up on your feet!
That's all you want to do is rest. Ohhh!
Oh, I said get up. What's the matter?
I told you to watch out for Abdullah, didn't I? I did.
As soon as my back is turned you go to sleep.
I found three members of the Al-Minya tribe.
Where? I opened my eyes and here they were.
Here? Did they tell you where Abdullah is?
They were busy chasing me. They chased me right into a room full of girls.
Never mind the girls. Tell me about the men. The girls were beautiful.
Especially the one girl. She was exotic. She... Never mind. Listen.
Forget about the girls. Tell me about the men. What did they look like?
They didn't appeal to me. But the girls, the girls... Never mind the girls!
Will you please tell me about the men? Yes. Oh, the men?
They were vicious. They were big. They looked like that. Yes?
One guy had a face... He had a face all over a face.
With a big mustache like that. Yes.
And they had little knives too. They got another name for 'em.
Uh, dirks. Yeah, the whole three of them were dirks.
In fact, Bud, What?
they, they looked like these guys.
A-And every time I took a step, they would take a step.
Oh, come on. I think so.
Oh, Bud!
Bud, I wanna go home. What's the matter?
There's something I want to take back to America. Me. What?
Will you stop acting like a coward? Who's acting?
If we go home, Frankie'll have us bumped off. Oh.
We're safe as long as we stay here in the crowd.
And now, gentlemen, lot number 36, three slave girls.
You must buy all three or none. We cannot break up the set.
Here we are. Do I have a bid?
I have a bid of 5,000 francs.
Do I have more? Do I hear more?
10,000 francs from the great desert sheik.
Any other bids? Any other bids?
10,000. 10,000!
Sold to His Excellency!
Slave girls. Slave girls?
Slave girls. Uh, a girl you take home.
She cooks for you, she sews for you, she does all your washing...
and she's a servant for the rest of your life.
In Algiers, they call 'em "slave girls. " In America, we call 'em "wives. "
Well? Not yet. They're over there.
Not while I'm here, you fool.
It might bring the Legionnaires.
And now lot number 37.
Six beautiful girls, the prize of the auction.
Prince Musa Ben Mahmud is liquidating his holdings.
Just look at these gorgeous desert flowers.
Do I have a bid? Hey, there's the girl I met when those guys were chasing me.
Do I hear a bid? We have no time to bother with her.
I have a bid of 5,000 francs. Hey, wait a minute.
This dame setup might be just the thing to attract Abdullah.
Let's look around and see if he's in the crowd.
I now have a bid of 10,000 francs.
Do I hear more? Do I hear more?
I now have 15,000. Any other bid? Any other bid?
I now have 20,000.
I now have 60,000 francs.
The sheik bids 80.
I have now 90, 100, 120.
125.!
140,000.!
160,000 francs!
160,000! Any other bid? Any other bid?
160,000!
Sold to the American!
Hey, what happened?
Some American bought all these slave girls. Some...
Hey, get a load of that guy over there.
He looks mad enough to slit somebody's throat.
Oh, him? He's my pal. He was waving at me all through the auction. Yeah.
Then somebody said, "Sold American," and he stopped.
He was waving at you? Mm-hmm.
Yes, he was going like that, so I waved back.
Why, you nitwit, you bought the girls! Let's get out of here.
Let me congratulate you, and you can pay me the money now.
Make him out a check. Uh, I'm sorry, neighbor, but the deal is off.
You can't call it off. Sheik Hamud bid a fortune for these girls.
I can't help what he bid.
But you must buy them. I can't. He just changed my mind for me.
Perhaps you would let me talk to them. I may make them change their mind again.
Oh, my master, wouldst thou not like six beautiful girls to serve you?
Six pairs of feet to do thy running?
Six pairs of hands to do thy bidding?
And six pair of lips to do my kissing. Now look, lady...
Excuse me.
You're beautiful. May I kiss one of your six pair of lips?
Lou! Hmm?
Now what is this again? Who keeps puttin' those things in my mouth?
Lady, this guy hasn't got enough dough to buy you.
Quiet, slave. Do you think maybe the auctioneer,
he would take, say 75 cents down and maybe a dollar and a quarter a month?
I m-mean, do you think... Shut up, you stupid fool! You've ruined all my plans.
For months I've been trying to enter the household...
of Sheik Hamud of the Al-Minya tribe, and you outbid him!
I'm sorry. I'm s... I'm sorry.
I'd like to talk to that sheik.
You know, we're looking for one of the members of his tribe.
Uh, Lou, show her a picture of Abdullah.
Come, come, I cannot wait all day for my money.
Oh, uh, one moment. I must see you later. Where can I meet you?
We checked into the Hotel International.
I'll contact you. How're you gonna get out of here?
I am in no danger. I'll manage.
Oh, uh... he would like to think it over.
Think it over? Six beautiful girls for only 160,000 francs!
160,000! Yes, and it's a good buy.
A what? A good buy.
Good-bye! Good-bye!
The Legion!
Hip, hip, hip!
Hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hip.
And a skip and a jump. And a skip and a jump. Hip!
Hip, hip!
Come on, Bud!
Those are the Americans.
Hip, hip, hip, hip, hip.
This is the Foreign Legion. Nobody can touch us here.
Whew! Oooh!
Hey, what kind of a country are you guys running around here?
Every time my pal and I turn our backs, somebody throws a knife at us.
A knife? Yee! A knife! Put that down. Listen...
This is headquarters of the First Battalion Legion Étrangère.
It is not. This is the Foreign Legion. That's what he said.
Now listen, neighbor, we're not a couple of American tourists that can be pushed around.
Yes, we're here on business, big business.
And what is the nature of your business?
Hmm?
I think we're out of business. Shh!
You're relieved, Corporal. I'll handle this.
Well, gentlemen? Uh, we're looking for a guy.
Where does the Al-Minya tribe hang out?
Well, the last Legion report, they were somewhere in this area.
But I doubt very much whether you'll be able to find them.
Hey, why don't we... why don't we ask Sheik Hamud where his tribe is?
- What do you know of Sheik Hamud? - What do I know of Sheik Hamud?
Today I outsmarted him in a deal.
That was very clever of you, but also very dangerous.
I'm afraid it won't be safe for you to be out in the streets.
Well, h-how are we gonna get out of here?
Why go? It's the Legion's duty to protect you.
So why not stay here until I make sure that everything's all right?
Are you sure we're not crowding you? No, we take men in every day.
But, uh, how are we going to get out to eat? We serve you food here.
Oh, boy! Room and board! How much do you charge?
Nothing. Nothing? Well, we sure appreciate it.
Isn't there something we can do for you?
Well, just a little thing, a formality. Oh.
We like to keep a list of our guests. Sure.
You won't mind signing your name, would you? It's mighty nice of you.
Thank you. Uh, and you can be sure...
we'll be quiet, if you know what I mean.
No wild parties. That I'm sure of.
However, there are a few little rules and regulations.
Raise your right hand, boys. Your right hand.
I'm left-handed. Your right hand!
Yes, sir.
Jurez-vous solennellement de soutenir la dignite...
de la Republique Francaise contre tous ses enemis...
vos superieurs de la Legion Etrangere? Say, "I do. "
I do. And you?
I do. I do. Ohhh!
Oh, what's the matter with you? Are you daffy?
Now that we're married, I do hope you'll make me happy.
Ah, shut up! Cruelty! I want a divorce!
Gentlemen.! Yes, ma'am. Uh, yes, sir. What?
That's better. Well, he's got to be one or the other.
Now, gentlemen, if you'll step through that door, you'll be taken care of.
Through that door? Thank you.
- We'll be seein' you. - Every day.
You just signed up for a five-year stretch in the Foreign Legion.
Foreign Legion?
Long live the Legion! Come on!
Hotchkiss! Come on!
Come on, you!
You're a heavy dummy!
Climb in. I want to see how the recruits are doing. Oui, mon Commandant.
Whew!
Brother, I'm tired. Relax.
All right, on your feet, men! Hit the wire, on the double!
Hip-hup!
All right, Lou, follow me. Don't worry about a thing.
Come on, Lou. Okay, okay.
Over this way. Hey, Bud, come on.
I'll help you. Come on.
Yeah. What kept you?
Huh?
Attention!
You call yourself a Legionnaire?
You're a disgrace to the sacred memories...
of the magnificent men of the Legion who fought and died...
at Bouarfa, El Mers, Medouna and Rezzas!
Not to mention Bou Kahamouj, Mekmis, Fes.
You forgot to mention Azusa, Anaheim and Cucamonga.
Oh! Do not despair, mon Commandant,
I'll make a Legionnaire of him one way or the other. You are dismissed!
Attention!
You can't talk that way to a wounded soldier. What do you mean, "wounded"?
I-I just hurt my finger on that barbed wire there. It's blood.
Before I'm through with you, you'll see blood. You'll be surrounded by blood!
Your machine gun will riddle your enemies until blood flows like water through a sieve.
Your sabers will hack and slash through human flesh. Ooh!
With your trench knives, in the black of night, you will creep up on a man...
and rip and rip until he falls apart!
And when you wade victoriously through the blood of your enemies,
glorying in the gore of battle, then he'll be a Legionnaire!
I can't understand it.
First the attack on the railroad company's construction camp at Biskra,
and now the massacre of 40 Legionnaires at El Golea.
Sheik Hamud seems to know our every move.
It's obvious, sir. There must be a leak somewhere.
Quite obvious, Sergeant. Thank you.
But how do we stop it? Every day Hamud becomes more and more daring.
Who knows where he'll strike next?
Sergeant, investigate that gunfire. Yes, sir.
Sound the alert!
How do you shut it off? Bud!
The enemy's got us surrounded. They'll kill all of us.
Stop firing. We surrender.
Stop firing.! Drop that flag!
- We surrender. Stop firing. - Drop that flag!
Look, we're outnumbered. Why don't you surrender?
Lou!
Why didn't you shut that gun off? I didn't know how.
Corporal, how did this happen? I told him to assemble the gun.
Let me tell you something. That's a dangerous thing to have in the army.
Somebody could get killed.
Throw these men in the guardhouse.
Sergeant, you are to bring Hotchkiss and Jones to the commandant immediately.
Take them away.
This will be a pleasure.
In here. Oh, stop that.
Mon Commandant. Oui?
Here are the men you sent for. You are Hotchkiss and Jones?
You can call us Bud and Lou. That's Bud, that's Lou. Sergeant!
Oui, mon Commandant. Give these men a pass to go to town tonight.
- Pass? But I thought that... - Those are orders from a source I cannot question.
Yes, sir.
You men be at 82 Rue Lafayette at 8:00.
- Us? - Oui.
Oh, the three of us are going? No, just you two.
Us? Oui. Yes, the three of us...
Make up your mind! Are you goin' or aren't you goin'?
Get out! Get out of here! Take them out of here.
Get up.
Just so you won't forget the address, I'm writing it on the pass.
282 Rue Lafayette.
That was 82.
282. The commandant says 82.
Attention! Hi-hi! Hi-hi!
Here it is, 282.
I don't like the looks of this thing.
You shoot up the post, and they give us a pass.
Why? I don't know.
Ah, there's something wrong. We'd better case this place. Bud?
What? There's something I wanna tell you.
What's that? Hey, no... I'm goin' home.
Come on.
No, you don't.
Come on, come on. Shut up.
It is five past 8:00. We will not be able to dispose of the Americans...
if they do not appear. I've thought of that.
If they are not here by 10 past 8:00,
I have ordered the military police to classify them as deserters...
and shoot them on sight.
Deserters! That means us.
Oui? Oui... Ah, come on.
Lou, we're in trouble. Where do we go from here?
Let's go to the dock, get a boat and go home. Come on.
Whoo! Shh!
Hey, they're M.P.'s and they're looking for us.
And if they find us, they'll shoot us on sight as deserters.
We can't make a move unless the coast is clear.
You stay right here. Don't move. Okay, I won't.
We're being followed. I spotted one of'em. I saw one too.
That's two of'em. I'm gonna find out how many there are.
I just saw one. I saw one too. We're surrounded.
We're not gonna get nabbed without putting up a fight. No.
Wait right here.
Oh, it's you. Shhh, quiet! Shut up!
Here, hold this. I'm goin' around this building and flush 'em out.
If I happen to chase one of'em around this way, bang him!
I'll let 'im have it. Right over the head.
Hit him, Lou! Hit him! Hit him, Lou!
Hit him!
Why didn't you hit the guy I chased? I was too busy.
Somebody was chasin' me. Now you listen to me. You stay right here!
I'm gonna backtrack, and I'll get 'em.
And don't forget to use that club, do you hear? Okay.
Stay right there. Backtrack. I'll backtrack too.
Wh-What's the matter?
One of'em got me. That's okay. I got one of them.
Hey, we're gonna fool 'em. You go ahead as a decoy. Hmm.
When they sneak up behind you, I'll sneak up behind them.
And... clunk! Simple? I'd have to be to do that.
Go ahead, go ahead. Okay.
Hey, Lou! Hey, Lou!
Lou.! Lou.!
Oh, hey, Lou! Boy, did I get 'im! He tapped me on the shoulder,
and just as I-I...
Hey, Lou, wait a minute. Was it you I bopped? Yeah.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Lou. I didn't mean it, Lou.
No? Oh, you know I wouldn't do that to you.
Here, take my club and hit me right on the head with it. Go on. I don't want to.
Go on, Lou. Take my club and hit me on the head with it!
I don't wanna use your club. Why not?
I wanna use my own. I, I...
Come on. Why...
Ah, what's the use? Come on.
Whee!
Oh, no! Not again?
Help! I've been looking all over for you.
I'm sorry, lady, we can't waste our time with you. We're deserters.
You can't. I need you. I am Nicole Dupre, French Intelligence.
I arranged for your pass tonight. You?
Oui. Oh, then you had somebody help you.
No, I arranged it. That's what I said. You did it.
Oui. Yes, you had somebody help you.
No, oui. O-U-I means "yes. "
What does I-O-U mean, "no"? Oh, shut up!
Shh, shh, careful.
Why didn't you obey orders and come to 82 Rue Lafayette?
Eighty-two? Sergeant Axmann told us to go to 282.
Axmann! Yes, Axmann.
We saw him in a room with five Arab hoodlums.
Sheik Hamud's men. Axmann!
II est le traitre.
But I cannot take your word for it. I must have evidence.
If you will help me find it, I will see that you get out of the Legion.
It's a deal. Hurry then.
Search his quarters before Axmann returns to the post. Oui.
That means the two of us, we. Come on, come on.
Come on.
Shh, come on. Don't make no noise. All right.
Good. The shutters are closed. Shh.
Wait till I find the light switch. Hey!
I feel a damp opening in the wall. You got your hand in my mouth.
Get out of my way!
Here, wait a minute, I've got it.
You get the bed; I'll get the dresser. Okay.
Shh, don't make no noise. Good night.
Good ni...
What are you doing? You told me to get the bed.
When I say get the bed, I don't mean get the bed.
What do you mean? I mean get the bed.
When I say you're insane, I don't mean you're insane. No?
You're cuckoo. Look, I'll take the bed. You take the bureau.
Are you positive? You want me to take the bureau? Positive. Take the bureau.
"Take the bureau. " "Take the bureau. " Hurry up.
Wait a minute! Shh!
What are you doing? You told me deliberately to take the bureau.
I don't mean take the bureau. Search it!
Search it. Shh. Search it.
Shut up. Okay.
Hey, Bud, what are we looking for?
Something to tie up Axmann with the Arabs.
And if we find it, we've got him trapped.
Trapped? Trapped? Trapped! Yes, trapped.
What's the matter? Oh, can't you keep out of trouble?
Now listen, I... What's wrong now?
Will you keep on searching!
And keep out of trouble!
Hey, I think I've found something!
How do you know? This paper with the Arabic writing on it.
What more evidence do we need? None at all.
Let's get outta here. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Ohh!
Hey, Bud... Quiet. I've gotta decipher this thing.
Oh, I'd like to see the expression on Axmann's face...
when he finds out this is gone. You can. You can.
Ifhe knew we had this, he'd kill both of us.
Don't give him any ideas. Then all we have to do is turn it over to the girl.
This is our ticket out of the Legion.
Then we walk up to Axmann and snap our fingers in his face just like that.
Who told you to search my quarters?
Who is this girl? Answer me! Answer me!
Attention!
Sergeant, we just received a radio message.
Fort Apar is being besieged by Arabs.
Reinforcements will leave immediately under Captain Cheval.
Assemble your patrol. Yes, sir.
At ease. Thank you. Get up!
I beg your pardon, sir. We have important information for the commandant.
Yes, sir. Information that will put someone behind the firin' lines.
What is it? Take a gander at this, please.
"Three shirts, two drawers, four socks. "
This is an Arab laundry ticket, idiots!
About face!
You two get your equipment. You're marching with the patrol.
This order into the desert is most convenient.
Do you mind if I say one word? Help! No.
2,212...
2,213...
2,214... I don't get it. They march us all day,
and at night we've got to guard the supplies and take care of those smelly camels.
2,449... I got hip to this army life back in 1945.
Forty-five, 46, 1947, 1948,
1949... My father, he was hip to it in 1917.
917, 1918, 1920... My uncle.
1921... There's a guy that was contented. He was happy.
He was a roughrider in '98.
Ninety-eight, 99, 100.
My grandfather, huh! He was a drummer boy in '61.
Sixty-one, 62, 63, 64...
Even if that girl did get our message,
our chances of getting out of here'd be 100-to-1.
101, 102, 103, 104...
105... And Axmann, there's a wise guy.
Brings us into this outfit for five years. Five!
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10...
But I'll find a way out. I'm a pretty smart cookie too.
Two, three, four, five, six...
What are you doing? seven, eight...
The captain told me to check the ammunition.
That doesn't mean to count each bullet. Put 'em back!
"Put 'em back. "
Now you see? You've scared the camels.
Come on, we've got to quiet 'em down.
Seven... Ahh!
Hey, one of the camels are gone. I wonder which one it is.
I think it's the one with the humps. It must've been Sally.
She was the sweetest one of the two. We've gotta look for her.
I ain't goin' out in that dark desert tonight.
What was that? It ain't no camel.
Oh, it's just some kind of an animal.
We'll have to go out and look for Sally. Come on. Not me.
I'm gonna stay right on this spot. Nothing's gonna move me.
All right.
All of them? All of them.
Good. I'll go back to headquarters and report the casualties.
And tell them how lucky I was.
Yes, how lucky you were.
Uh, we'll never find her.
Maybe she went home to her mother. What do you mean?
Dogs go home to their mother and cats go home to their mother...
and when I'm a bad boy, I go home to my mother.
Why couldn't camels do the same thing? I think so.
Hey, we'll follow her trail right into Algiers! That's a good idea.
Then when we get to Algiers, we'll go down to the dock, take a boat and go home.
Good idea! Now, stay on your toes.
What's the matter? Come on.
Let's follow the camel tracks. Now, watch out.
Bud.! Bud.! Bud.!
Bud! I can't see anything.
Lou, there's no need of kidding ourselves. We're lost.
If we don't find water soon, we're goners.
I'm not gonna make myself believe that people die of thirst on a desert...
by not finding any water! I'm not gonna make myself believe it!
I won't believe it!
I believe it.
But this is not gonna happen to me. I'm gonna get some water.
Someplace on this desert there must be a place to get water!
Water? Have some. Yes. Thank you.
How...
Hey, that skeleton asked me to have a drink of water.
Easy, pal. It's only a mirage. Don't crack up.
We'll find our way out of here and find the patrol.
Look, how long can a man go without water? I don't know.
Water! Water!
Lou! Look, we're saved!
Give it here, Lou. Hurry up!
You hold the cup. Water at last! Okay. Pour it!
Water...
Sand. Sand.
Look!
Lou. Hello.
Lou, you've got to pull yourself together. Give me a towel.
Men go crazy on the desert following mirages. Oh, yeah,
but if you don't chase mirages, how do you know they're mirages?
I mean... Look!
I know, don't tell me. I just saw a mirage.
I just saw a double-chocolate mirage!
Don't feel bad, Lou. It could happen to anybody.
It could even happen to me. Come on. Yeah.
Water.
Water! Water!
Get your New York Daily Record right here.!
Extree.! Extree.! Read all about the water shortage.!
Extree.! Get your Daily Record right here.! Extree.!
Hey, boy, what are you doing way out here?
Can I help it if they gave me a bad corner?
Extree! Extree! Read all about it!
I'll take a paper.
I just seen another one. Bud? What?
Are you sure you haven't seen any of'em? No. No, Lou.
But I told you, it could happen to me too. I...
Look!
Lou! Lou!
It happened.
Hey, Bud! You're making a fool out of yourself!
There's nothing there but sand! Oh, Lou! Lou!
Nice, cool water! Come on in! Into what?
Bud, will you come up and shake the sand out of your ears!
Lou, come on in! It's nice and cool!
Look, cold water, Lou.
Nice, cool water. Look, Bud, go like that with your hand. Go ahead.
Look, Lou! Look!
He don't know that's sand.
You poor boy. You're cracking up!
Now, Bud, come out!
Let me help you.
Oh, boy.
How was it? Wonderful! Wonderful!
It really was? Sure.
Bud. What's that? What? Sand.
Naturally.
Now, what's that?
Water. Water!
Swimming!
Water!
Hey, Lou, when you get through playing, I'll be asleep behind the rock.
Go ahead, have a good time.
It ain't sand! It ain't sand!
This is real water.
Oh!
Come, come, Saleem. You swill water like a thirsty camel.
I am not drinking. I lost my false teeth.
And we will lose our heads if we allow any Legionnaires to slip through.
Bud. Hmm?
Did you hear somebody talking? Oh, nonsense!
First you're seeing things and then you're hearing things. Relax!
At least we won't die of thirst. I'm slowly starving to death.
Starving to death? That's just in your mind!
It's imagination. You can imagine you're starving to death,
you can imagine you're eating a delicious dinner!
Say you're having soup, a great big juicy steak...
I like spaghetti and meatballs. All right, so you've got spaghetti and meatballs!
Mashed potatoes, peas, pie, coffee! Chicken, chicken, chicken.
Chicken too! Oh, boy!
Yeah. What are you doing? Chicken.
Put that down. Where are you going?
I'm gonna get some water and wash it down. Yeah.
Bud! Yeah?
Bud! Yes, yes, yes? Now what?
Somebody was here. Huh?
Bread! Now we can have bread and water. Bread.
Oh, no! There's a lot of fish in there, boy!
Fish. We're going to have a nice fish dinner.
Oh, come on. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
Hey, you like fish, don't you?
I love fish, buddy boy. I love fish!
Boy, are we gonna have a feast.
Get a nice big fish now and build a fire,
cook it to a nice golden brown. Mmm!
Hey, I got one! I got one!
Wait a minute. Get it up! Get it up!
Look at that baby. Hold still now. Okay.
There we are. There you are. We gonna eat.
Wash him off and clean him up. I will. I'll get him.
I'll get some more. Take it easy. I can't get this son of a...
He's a fresh little son of a gun!
I got another one. There you are, boy.
Clean it up.
That's the stuff. Now we're getting places.
Lou, Lou, Lou, stop splashing the water.
You'll frighten the fish away.
Hey. Hey! I got another one.
There you are, boy. What a feast. Clean that up.
Come here. Come on.
Hey, where are the fish I caught?
I know where I got 'em. Where are they now? Did you eat 'em?
Where are they? Hey, don't tell me you threw 'em back in.
Oh, no. He got 'em. Who got 'em?
Some fish that went to Painless Palmer.
What are you talking about? I'll show you.
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm!
Will you come up!
Not... again!
Why don't you come up and fight!
What do you tease me like that for? Hit it with a rock!
Hit him with a rock? Give me a rock.
Help me with this big rock. Come on, throw this right at him.
You're sitting on it! What do you want me to do?
Hey. Oh, don't you wish this was a mirage?
- Well? - Prisoners, Master.
Down on your knees, you dogs!
Ah, yes, the Americans.
I remember you from the slave mart.
It's a good thing you didn't kill them.
He likes us.
Because now I shall have the pleasure ofkilling you myself.
And please be assured...
I shall conceive an extremely painful death...
for both of you. Take them away.
Hotchkiss! Jones!
Nicole! So you finally got him!
You came to get us out?
No. I got myself in.
What's the meaning of this? I thought these men were dead.
They will be shortly. Take these swine away!
And see that nothing happens to them until it's supposed to.
What are you doing here?
Things are happening. I had to get her out of Algiers.
Very thoughtful of you to bring her to me.
She's French Intelligence. She's already turned in Josef.
How much she knows about us I don't know yet.
It will please me to find out.
She'll liven what otherwise might have been a very dull evening.
I'm afraid this evening you'll be busy with other things.
A company of Legionnaires is on the march to Fort Apar.
If you expect to hold the fort, you better have your men there.
I made other arrangements. Before we left, we mined the fort.
My men are waiting impatiently at a hidden detonator for the reinforcements to arrive.
Hamud, you are a fool. Axmann is using you.
There is no way that you can win.
You just be pretty and keep quiet.
And don't try to do anything about what you've just heard. You're too beautiful to die.
Come with me. I'll see that you're dressed in something more attractive.
This is a terrible way to die.
Mister, can I tell you something? No.
You'll be sorry if you don't listen. No!
This may mean your life! No!
All I'm trying to tell you, is that I am not tied to the post.
What is he talking about? How do I know?
I speak every language but Greek.
But he's talking Arabic. It's still Greek to me.
Shh! Shut up!
What was that? They're off at Santa Anita.
Ah, nonsense. Hot or cold, we're left at the post.
A reception committee for your American friends.
That one, the tallest, is my cousin Abdullah...
for whom they've been looking.
What a time for them to find him.
Oh, gee, they're nice people. Just what did you tell them?
I said that Hamud's wrestlers will now tear you apart...
with their bare hands. You got something there!
You, you, you...
Oh, well, at least we've all got to die sometime.
You've got nothing to worry about though. You've lived a clean life.
Yeah, but I'd like to live a little longer so I could dirty it up a little bit.
Abdullah.!
Boy, are we glad to see you!
Yeah, listen, we'll forget about the money you owe us...
if you tell Hamud not to have his wrestlers tear us apart.
Swine! It'll be me who'll tear you apart!
Don't worry. I won't hurt you. But you said...
That was for the benefit of my dirty crook cousin.
But we gotta make the act look good. How about that Patterson routine?
Okay. Okay.
Ow! Oh! Ow!
We gotta save Bud. I wanna save both of you.
Hey, how about the Boston routine, where you go nuts?
Yeah, okay. Give me the business. Okay.
Ouch!
I'm blinded. I can't see.
- No, you stupid ox! You've got the wrong one!
Don't, don't, don't!
Don't, you fool! You listen to me, Bud.
Abdullah's on our side. He was doing the Boston routine.
Well, let's get out of here. Come on!
You're hurtin' me. You guys gotta help me get back to Brooklyn.
We gotta help you? Yeah. If I stay here,
I have to marry the sheik's daughter, and is she a dog. Take a look.
What do you think? She's either a very ugly girl or a very pretty monster.
Hey, we gotta help Bud.
Quick, give me the business! Okay.
Oh! He did it again! I'm blinded. I can't see.
No, no, Abdullah!
Get off!
- You've got the wrong one again!
Abdullah's helping us. Abdullah's trying to kill us.
Yes, but he's still helping us. Selfish.
Somebody stop them!
Stop! Stop!
Fine reception you arranged for the Americans.
Come! This is our chance! Come on!
Come on! Come on, Abdullah!
Ooh! Ooh!
What did you do there?
All I did was...
Is that all you did, was...
Yeah, a small one.
Hey, buddy, you're awful weak.
You ought to be like me. Eat some of these Arabian apples.
Apples? Mm-hmm.
That's an onion! Oh.
Stop, you fools! Catch those Legionnaires!
This time they shan't escape me.
I'll kill them both with my bare hands.
I told you not to trust Abdullah.
I'll slit his throat!
Aha!
And now...
You fools!
Ooh!
Abdullah!
We must hurry. The whole camp will be after us.
Axmann's jeep. Come on!
They got my jeep! Well, why don't you go and get it?
Quick! Let's get out of here! This is the sheik's harem!
And do not go in there! That is his bath!
I'll keep my eyes closed.
Wow!
Bud.! Bud.!
What are you trying to do, get us killed?
Hurry! We must warn the Legion that the fort is mined!
Now where do we go?
I don't care where you go, but get going!
They're gaining on us! You're in reverse!
Hey, you're goin'the wrong way.!
Hold the wheel! Hold the wheel!
Come back! Come back! Excuse me.
We made it!
We are lucky! The Legion has not reached the fort yet!
I think we lost the Arabs. We found 'em again.
Stop! They're our own men!
That is the man at the detonator!
They must think we're Arabs.
This is our chance to save the fort.
Go to those men. Okay.
Oui, oui.!
Where did he go?
Come on! Will you get going? I will not!
Arabs, sir.
Look! The Legion!
Lafayette, here we come! Yeah!
Lafayette, we are leavin'.
Hey, we're not Arabs!
Help!
Oh, I couldn't convince 'em. No wonder!
We are dressed as Arabs. They do not know who we are.
But they do! Head for the fort!
Come on! Hurry up!
Hurry up! Shut the doors! Shut them up!
Let me out.! Let me out.! Hey, that's Lou!
Ooh! I'll hold this. You go get the detonator.
Okay. No, no, no, wait a minute! Abdullah, we need you bad.
Let Lou hold the fort. Who, me? You told me that...
Listen! Wait a minute! You told me I was gonna... Come on, Abdullah!
Bud! Get the det...
Get the det-det... Get that "dillionator. "
Bud!
Bud! Bud!
No, you fools! Get ladders! We'll go over the top!
Sheik Abdullah.
No! What have I done?
I killed my pal. Lou! What have I done?
Don't tell me. Lou. He's gone.
Oh, no, don't bother me. Do you realize what I've done?
I killed the best little pal I ever had.
He was such a sweet little guy. Look it, he's gone.
I'll never be able to see him again.
If he was only here so I could get on my knees and apologize.
Go away. You don't... I...
Lou. Lou, it's you! Yeah.
You're not dead? You're not hurt? No. No.
You're all right? Yeah.
Why you dirty double-crosser! You!
Present arms!
"Citation for valor, for bravery in the face of the enemy,
"for unmasking and aiding in the capture of a renegade and traitor.
"For valiant service above and beyond the call of duty,
you have earned this citation. "
What's he talking about? He's gonna give you a citation.
Citation? What do I want with a horse? What horse?
Citation. That gives me another mouth to feed.
Private Lou Hotchkiss, I decorate you.
You will write me, won't you?
Here!
And now, to insure the continued honor and glory of the Foreign Legion,
it is my pleasure to present you...
with your honorable discharges.
There's a boat leaving for the States in 20 minutes.
Be on it! Yes, sir!
Company dismissed!
Thank you, Miss. Come on, Abdullah.
Thank you for everything. Attention!
For valiant service, I decorate you.
Lou!
Come on. Hop in. If it's all the same to you, Bud,
you ride in the front, I'll ride in the trailer.
Trailer? Yeah.
What have you got in the trailer?
Oh, just a few knickknacks that I picked up. I'm gonna take 'em home with me.
Right. Lou!
Knickknacks, eh?